What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 19.06.2025 00:43
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Why does a college girl cover her face with a scarf in Bangalore?
When she asked me how she looked .
(And it was in our own minds.)
All the time i was locked up.
What is the best interracial stories that you hear or know and want to share?
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
So, i spoilt her more .
And i lived it daily.
What transforms the philosophical intellect?
This is soul school!.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
The doctor said 'be happy.' Music therapy can help cancer patients do that - NPR
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Unfortunately For Some, These iPhone & iPad Models Won't Be Getting iOS 26 - SlashGear
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I don,t even have a pension.
Has your wife made you a cuckold?
She wouldn,t have been !
She married twice! .
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Are there really people who still believe the Earth is flat?
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
One cannot live in the past .
My life is so biszare .
Ive learnt so much.
But ive been too sick for many years..
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Can I know a love story of a medical student?
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
What makes cars from companies like Dacia or BYD appealing compared to Tesla, especially in Europe?
But, we were locked up after school.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I said to her
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I could never make a relationship work though!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Why did i forgive my father ?
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I waited trembling.
I was very sick at this time too.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I think the readers, may guess!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
She loved him until the end.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I couldn’t, believe it.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
We all went to grammer schools
I was scared of men, in general
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Especially a lifetime of it.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
She was in good health!
He knew the spot.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
My family never makes their pension either.
I have no regrets .
Was to survive, this bastard.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
What did i know ?
I was 9 years of age.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
We were not on the streets..
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Who then, do I blame.?
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I know ,a lot about trauma.
She found it foreign!.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
But it wasn’t much.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
It was going to be , some day.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I was seconnd youngest,
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
As i do to all so called friends.?
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I write beautiful poetry .
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I will be 64.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Comes on , in middle age.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
He resisted the act ,that day.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
So whats the point in blame.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Im dying but, im not bitter.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Would this be the day?
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Im still living with it.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Put me off passion for life!!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other